When You Left (You Took The Light)
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: Post War. Lavender doesn't know how to help Parvati deal with the loss of her twin. Instead, she finds solace in the bottom of the bottle and buries her head in the sand. Warnings inside.


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.**

 **Challenges listed at the bottom.**

 **Beta'd by the lovely Jen**

 **Word Count** \- 1421

 _Warning - Suicide, alcoholism, general angst._

* * *

 **When You Left (You Took The Light)**

* * *

She stares into the amber liquid. The ice she'd put in it had long since melted, and yet, she hadn't drunk it. Hadn't even sipped it. She was proving a point to herself that she could do that. She could refuse a drink, even if it was right in front of her.

Even if it was in her hand.

She ignored the way the hand not holding the glass trembled against her knee. She ignored the sweat that dripped down from her temple. She ignored the voice in the back of her mind telling her that she had nothing to prove; that she could drink the drink because obviously, she didn't have a problem so why did it matter?

She watched the clock tick the seconds away until the longer hand moved onto to the twelve. Five in the evening and Lavender emptied the glass for the first time.

…

"Parvati isn't with you again?" Neville asked, raising his eyebrow at the empty seat beside Lavender.

"Clearly not," she muttered, glowering at the drink on the bar in front of her.

All she'd wanted was some peace to drink in private without knowing that her girlfriend, the woman she loved, was in a room down the hall, lying in bed and staring at the wall.

"You can help her, Lavender."

"I can't," Lavender argued flatly.

Did Neville really think that she hadn't already tried everything she could think of to help Parvati? _She'd lost her twin_. Was there a cure for that kind of grief? Unlikely, and if there was, Lavender couldn't find it.

"Yes, you can."

"Oh, look, your words of affirmation have magically made it possible," she replied.

"Seamus is helping George. He even smiled a few days ago. I know it's hard-"

"You know nothing," Lavender hissed, interrupting Neville. "You have no idea."

Standing, Lavender emptied the glass before putting it back so hard it smashed on the bar. Pulling her wand out, she fixed it silently, and turned away, stalking out of the pub.

She apparently wasn't going to get the peace she craved in Wizarding pubs, where people thought they had the right to come and judge her for not being able to help Parvati.

…

Lavender settled herself in a Muggle bar, on a tall barstool in the corner. Here, she would be left alone. There would be no questions that she didn't want to answer, no bright smiles to shy away from, no judgment over the lack of Parvati at her side.

She drank silently, only speaking to ask for another drink or to thank the barmaid who served her without question or pity.

"Hey, gorgeous."

Lavender cringed away from the hand that reached for her, glaring at the owner, a young man with a leering smile and drunken eyes.

"Go away," she snarled, her hand automatically moving to her pocket where her wand was hidden.

"Thought you might like a _companion,"_ the man said, clearly in the belief that he sounded charming. "You look lonely over here, all by yourself."

"I'm alone by choice," Lavender replied, sneering. "Go _away."_

"But -"

"Is he bothering you, sweetheart?"

Lavender looked to see the barmaid standing close by, glaring at the man. Lavender nodded mutely, and the barmaid whistled for the bouncer standing by the doorway.

The 'charming' man held his hands up in surrender, backing away. "I was just being friendly," he muttered sullenly. "Frigid bitch."

Rolling her eyes, Lavender turned back to her drink, taking a moment to thank the barmaid for her help.

"Anytime, Sugar. And hey, whatever is making you sit alone in here, drowning your sorrows? It'll get better eventually."

Lavender didn't bother to reply, because the woman had _no idea_ , but Lavender knew she was only trying to help. She made sure to leave a tip beside her empty glass when she left.

…

"Aguamenti," she murmured, watching the water pour from her wand into the empty glass at her bedside. Choking down the water, Lavender tried to calm her racing heart. She waited until she thought her jellied legs would hold her weight and slipped from the bed.

It was stupid o'clock in the morning, but nightmares didn't care for the time, and Lavender never could sleep after bad dreams.

She padded through the flat, picked up a book only to put it down again, turned on the radio only to wince at the noise and turn it off.

Her eyes rested on the bottle she'd left on the coffee table, the glass beside it beckoning her. It was only one, right? And it might help settle her enough so she could get some more sleep.

Pouring herself a drink, Lavender sipped at it, forcing herself not to gulp it back, because _this didn't mean anything_.

She leant against the bedroom door, with her glass in hand and just stared at Parvati for a long moment. She looked slightly more peaceful in sleep, but the air of grief around her didn't dissipate, and she was still as unreachable as she'd been since the end of the war.

Lavender felt anger fill her suddenly, and she threw the glass, satisfied by both the smash and the way Parvati sat up in the bed immediately, looking more alert than she had in months.

"You know I'd do anything for you," Lavender raged, glaring at her girlfriend. "But how can I help you when you _don't tell me how?!"_

Parvati didn't even look annoyed. "Go and have another drink, Lav," she murmured as she lay back down, turning away.

Lavender didn't go back to sleep. She didn't clean the glass up. She took her girlfriend's advice.

...

They still had sex, but it wasn't the same. Lavender wondered if anything would ever be the same. There were no words spoken, no murmurs of love and affection. There were no caresses, beyond those that were absolutely necessary.

When they were done, finished with orgasms that felt empty and wrong, Parvati would simply roll over and stare at the wall, and Lavender would climb from the bed and head for the closest bottle.

Lavender didn't even know why they still bothered.

She certainly didn't feel sexy or even pretty anymore, not with the scars from Greyback so broad and angry on her skin, the red still so bright Lavender imagined it could light a dark room.

Parvati… Lavender didn't know why Parvati still bothered. She didn't talk about it, didn't really talk to Lavender at all. It was impossible to know what was going through her mind, which Lavender thought was perhaps what upset her the most.

She'd always known what Parvati was thinking before.

…

"I'm sure it was an accident. She loved you, she wouldn't do that to you."

Lavender didn't reply. She'd heard the same theme of words with little variation so many times over the last few days that she didn't even care anymore.

People were lying to her, to themselves.

Parvati hadn't had an accident. She'd taken herself away from Lavender by _choice._ It had been Parvati's choice to do that, she'd _chosen_ to leave Lavender.

Smoothing her black dress, Lavender sat down by the gravesite and pulled a bottle from her bag. She wasn't even pretending that she didn't need it now. Who was there to pretend for?

"How fucking dare you," she murmured at the soil, her words slurred yet blunt. "How dare you leave me like this."

There wasn't a gravestone for Lavender to shout abuse at yet, Parvati had only been laid in the ground a few hours earlier, so she spoke to the dirt, her words filled with venom.

She didn't know why it had come as such a shock. She was sure anyone looking in from the outside would've seen the signs coming a mile away, but Lavender hadn't.

She'd known that Parvati was struggling with her grief, of course she'd known that but… she thought it would just take time.

That her Parvati would come back and Lavender wouldn't have to look to the bottom of a bottle for comfort because they would be able to help each other.

That wouldn't happen now. There was nobody to save Lavender because Lavender had failed to save the only one who loved her enough to try.

She drank and drank and drank, her lips wrapped around the neck of the bottle until the sky blurred and darkness drew her in.

She went with it willingly.

Parvati was gone, there was no light left for Lavender anyway.

…

 **Written for;**

Hunger Games Round 2 - Impossible / Anger / Angst / Parvati/Lavender / Dialogue prompt.

Hogwarts Assignment - Gardening Task 9 - Write a Femslash pairing

Character Appreciation - 19. Trio Era

Book Club - The Commander - Lonely / Companion / Black

Showtime - 14. "I'd do anything for you."

Buttons - W1. Accident

Em's Emporium - Gabby - Femslash

Sophie's Tearoom - Devil's Food Cake - Annoyed

Auction - Sexy

Snape Appreciation - 5. Post War

Insane House - 309. Aguamenti


End file.
